Hem Touching Moments

Memories Suppressed

My whole life I have been a quiet person, a peace keeper, one who agrees even when they don’t. I have just a small group of friends. When it comes to asking for something, it takes me days to ask, if I even ask at all. 

I became a Christian when I was 45 and God has done a work in me from the very start. A few years back He placed the woman that bleeds, from Luke 8:43-48, on my heart. 

⁴³ And a woman having an issue of blood twelve years, which had spent all her living upon physicians, neither could be healed of any,

⁴⁴ Came behind him, and touched the border of his garment: and immediately her issue of blood stanched.

⁴⁵ And Jesus said, Who touched me? When all denied, Peter and they that were with him said, Master, the multitude throng thee and press thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me?

⁴⁶ And Jesus said, Somebody hath touched me: for I perceive that virtue is gone out of me.

⁴⁷ And when the woman saw that she was not hid, she came trembling, and falling down before him, she declared unto him before all the people for what cause she had touched him, and how she was healed immediately.

⁴⁸ And he said unto her, Daughter, be of good comfort: thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace. 

I researched this woman for a long time.

Little did I know at that time this Jesus, along with this woman, would save me.

I grew up in a home where there was yelling and anger. Most days I was afraid to even sit down and eat with them. That’s where a lot of the yelling was. My course of action was always to just be quiet. My mom and dad had a marriage where I didn’t see much love. If there was a radar in that house I flew right underneath it. Most times I don’t think they really even saw me. Things went on that I was afraid to tell them, I had a brother that was inappropriate. If I were to talk to them about it my dad would believe me, but my mother wouldn’t. It would just make everything worse, quiet peace keeping was taking it’s place.

There were times when my mother would tell me that she didn’t want me and she hated her life. She had 5 children, and really only wanted 2. One day she was sitting outside in a lawn chair, It was a beautiful day. She looked at me and out the blue she said “If there was birth control, you wouldn’t be here”. That was the start of many bad choices on my part that went on for years. Failed marriages, drinking and pot smoking. There were triggers in my life that I didn’t deal with because I am a stuffer. I bury everything to make it go away. But eventually I explode, and it can get really ugly.

One of these triggers happened in church in April of 2025. We got to church and my husband decided to stay outside and talk with some friends. I went in to sit down and our spot was taken. I moved up 2 rows. Waiting and waiting for him, I was starting to get angry. Then the message starts, still no husband. By this time I’m shaking and about to explode. I got up and He was sitting in the spot we usually do. When I sat down I was on the verge of tears. Some words were exchanged. He told me he looked for me and couldn’t find me. I stood up and walked out of the church, with him behind me. When we got into the car I just started yelling and crying. My thoughts were racing. He was blowing me off, he didn’t care about me, if he leaves me where would I go. Crazy thoughts, then it came out “I can’t live like this anymore”, I had come to the end of it. I was done. I cried most of the day and into the night. Desperation and confusion all at once. I was reminded again of the bleeding woman. There on my couch in my living room I closed my eyes, stuck out my hand and thouched the hem and immediately felt peace, such a calm came over me. Then I just felt tired.

When I got up the next morning, I called my doctor’s office and told them I was deperate and needed help. My doctor and a therapisit got me in right away. Even though I was sceptical, I knew I needed help. God placed me with an amazing woman who told me that if we can find the root, that’s where we need to begin. The process called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). I told her I wouldn’t give up on the therapy and have never missed an appointment. I have added EMDR into my life and still use it today.

God is so good, it took 60 years to get me to this point, don’t ever give up.

Spring