Hem Touching Moments

Christmas tea 

One of the hardest things I ever had to do was forgive someone who would never say sorry. Maybe you’re sitting here tonight and you’re thinking this seems a little heavy for a Christmas tea but what you need to know is that these stories have everything to do with Christmas it is because of the birth of our savior and what he means to us that we are here today, sharing our testimonies with you so while this season is about a little boy who was born to save the world listen to this story about a little girl. She grew up in a home that was full of arguing that was full of resentment. There was some infidelity there was alcohol, drugs, and what felt like chaos all the time, it felt like walking on eggshells almost every moment of every day. this little girl then went through watching her parents divorce when she was in fourth grade. It was ugly and full of anger, resentment, and emotional abuse. she started to become more responsible for her little sister, going home alone because mom needed to work and provide for us, and really things a young girl should not have to deal with. so soon childhood was no longer childhood. this little girl grew up to be a teenager who started dating people who were not worthy of her who were not good for her and very much resembled her dad. I thought I could save people because I could never save my dad from the destruction of his life. and then this little girl got married, had children and vowed to never allow her own children to ever feel like that little girl. There were many moments I pleaded for Gods help, but I never fully gave him the power to do the work. Then one night while visiting my dad it all changed. The boys were very little and my dad was so excited for us to visit. He even went out and bought them race car beds to sleep in while at his house. This is it I thought, my dad is going to be to my boys what I always desired him to be with me. As the days of our visit went on it was clear my dad was very uncomfortable around us. We prayed with the boys, did devotions with them and they loved Jesus in front of him. One day my dad just sat on the porch drinking and I remember asking him what was going on why aren’t you spending time with us, his response was, “Maria, this is not how I raised you.” My mind went to well that’s because you didn’t raise me, but I kept that to myself. I said to him, this is important to us and this is how we are raising the boys, I am sorry you feel that way. The day went on and he left to return hours later from the bar with a woman. I remember waking up as I heard them stumble into the house, they were loud and they were drunk. What is happening! What am I going to do! God I swore I would never let my boys feel a bit of what I felt growing up. Do I wake Steve up, pack up and leave? Can the boys hear this, lord do not wake them up. I tossed and turned pleading with God, what do I do? And then after what seemed like forever pleading with God, here it was the moment I reached for His hem, peace came over me and the answer was, it’s me Maria reach out to me and I will give you power and strength, and with it you are going to forgive him. I don’t even remember when I wrote the letter, or what all it said, but I wrote it and the words came out easily. I left the letter on his pillow as we left knowing he may never read it, if he does he may never say a thing about it and most certainly he may never say he is sorry. When we got home I let him know we made it back, and he let me know he read the letter and that was it. No I’m sorry you feel this way, I’m sorry I didn’t call or see you for months, I’m sorry for not loving you the way you deserved. And It was at this time I let God take control of this relationship and heal it in his power, I finally gave up trying to fight it in my own power and from that day on our relationship never looked the same. It was no longer filled with the what ifs and expectations of what I wanted and was filled with the love of Christ. This prepared me for the phone call I would receive years later that my dad was sick and dying. 

Because of Gods power and forgiveness I could love my dad how Christ called me to love him and the day he took his final breath, I was just a girl who missed her daddy. No conditions, no expectations, just a girl who was loved beyond measure. 

The verses God called me to years and years ago are 

Psalm 139:13-16