Memories Suppressed-Spring Harbison
My whole life, I have been a quiet person—a peacekeeper. The one who agrees, even when I
don’t. I’ve always kept a small circle of friends. When it comes to asking for something, it can
take me days… if I ask at all.
I became a Christian at 45, and from the very beginning, God began a work in me. A few years
later, He placed the story of the bleeding woman from Luke 8:43–48 on my heart:
A woman who had been bleeding for twelve years, who had spent all she had on doctors and
could not be healed, came up behind Jesus and touched the edge of His garment. Immediately,
she was healed.
Jesus said, “Who touched me?”
And trembling, she came forward and told Him everything.
He said to her, “Daughter, be of good comfort. Your faith has made you whole. Go in peace.”
I studied this woman for a long time.
Little did I know then that Jesus—along with this woman’s story—would help save me.
I grew up in a home filled with yelling and anger. Most days, I was afraid even to sit down at the
table—that’s where so much of the tension showed itself. So I stayed quiet. That became my way
of surviving.
Love didn’t feel steady or safe, and I learned early on to stay out of the way. If there had been a
radar in that house, I lived far beneath it. Most of the time, I felt unseen.
There were things happening around me that I was too afraid to speak about. I carried them
silently, believing that speaking up would only make everything worse.
So I stayed quiet.
Peacekeeping took its place.
Words were spoken over me that settled deep in my heart—making me question my worth and
my place. Those wounds followed me into adulthood.
They showed up in painful patterns—failed marriages, drinking, smoking. I had triggers I never
dealt with because I am a “stuffer.” I bury things, hoping they’ll disappear.
But they don’t.
Eventually, they rise—and when they do, it can be explosive.
One of those moments happened at church in April 2025.
My husband stayed outside talking while I went in to find us a seat. Our usual spot was taken, so
I moved up a couple rows. I waited… and waited. He never came.
The message started, and still—no husband.
I could feel it building inside me. Anger. Anxiety. Fear. By the time I saw him sitting in our usual
spot, I was shaking.
When I sat down, I was on the verge of tears. Words were exchanged. He said he had looked for
me and couldn’t find me.
I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I walked out, with him following behind me.
Once we got to the car, everything erupted. I was crying, yelling—my thoughts racing:
He doesn’t care about me.
He’s blowing me off.
If he leaves me, where will I go?
And then the truth spilled out:
“I can’t live like this anymore.”
I had reached the end.
I cried the rest of the day… and into the night. I felt desperate and completely confused.
And then, I was reminded again of the bleeding woman.
Sitting on my couch, I closed my eyes, reached out my hand, and in my mind—I touched the
hem of His garment.
Immediately, peace came over me.
A calm I can’t explain.
And then… I felt so tired.
The next morning, I called my doctor. I told them I was desperate and needed help. They got me
in right away and connected me with a therapist.
Even though I was skeptical, I knew I couldn’t keep going the way I was.
God placed me with an incredible woman who told me, “If we can find the root, that’s where we
begin.”
That’s when I started EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing).
I committed to it. I told her I wouldn’t quit—and I haven’t missed a single appointment. EMDR
has become a part of my healing, and I still use it today.
God is so good.
It took 60 years to get me here—but He never gave up on me.
So don’t you ever give up either.
—Spring
Call Out To God-Alison Hollebeek
As an adult, there was a time in my life that I felt like I was going crazy because of the
PTSD that ruled over my thoughts and felt very alone. While listening to a CD my
mentor Glenda Peters gave me, I learned that God makes beauty from ashes. So I cried
out to Him and asked him to do that in my life. Since then God has given my kids and I
a process of healing and love for each other that I never thought possible. Only needing
to lay down everything that brought me to this point of brokenness built by my flesh.
You may be wondering why I had PTSD, or what brought me to this place in life. In my
younger years there were a few ideas that started a trajectory in my life that sent me in
a dangerous direction. 1- Find a guy to take care of you. 2- Reba Mc Entire had a song
out called “Fancy.” There was a line in it that told her to be nice to the gentleman, and
they’ll be nice to her. I wasn’t given an example of what to look for in a gentleman or
how to make difficult decisions. 3-I began to find friends that were getting attention from
guys, after a while I started to act and dress like them. You can see where this is going.
A bit later at age 17 I was very intoxicated and spending time with one of my abusers.
They asked me to do something I didn’t want to do so I yelled, NO! They slapped me
across the face and called me names. These names stuck with me and further impacted
who I thought I was and the choices that were forming my identity. Words that pushed
me further into the dangerous territory I had already found. In this moment it was hard
for me to stand without stumbling around and boldly prayed for strength to get out of this
dangerous situation. Running to the door in the most ridiculous platform heels they
grabbed me by my shirt to keep me from escaping. It slowed me down so I prayed
again and the shirt ripped almost through. Finding myself in the safety of my car, I drove
to a place that I visited regularly in the weeks leading up to this late night. The sound of
cars speeding past was relaxing to me. A place that my friends had shown me, for a
thrill during the day we’d walk across both lanes of traffic and hide in the shadows when
reaching the other side. This is where I’d visit when searching for a place that invited me
in, unlike the youth group I attended for a time or when I wanted to disappear because
of the trouble that found me every time I turned around.
When my car came to a stop in the ditch I shut off the engine and climbed the steep hill
in my heels and ripped shirt, full of despair and brokenness. My legs didn’t stop until
they reached the center of the right lane. There were car lights pointing at me, a bit
more than 20 feet away. This was a choice made from my free will, not where God
directed me to go after He gave me enough strength to get away from the abuser. After
realizing the trouble I had gotten myself into, yelled dear God help me! This is my “Hem
Touching Moment.” While my heart pounded, there was something in the sky coming
toward me. I heard the sound of very strong wings and my reaction was to swear
because it startled me. After the white wings surrounded me on all sides I was scared
and searching for a way out. I was hitting and pulling on feathers the length of my
forearm. This was a reaction built from always finding trouble and not knowing why.
Sounds then came down from heaven, seemingly in a way that we see rays of sun streaming down to earth through clouds. My earthly words will never come close to
describing the sounds I heard. It wasn’t clear to me if this was an instrument or sound
coming from voices. There were so many layers of delicate harmony passing over each
other in a way that I’d never heard before loud then so quiet, creating a need to draw
closer, so many sounds then unison. Craving more and wanting to see where this was
coming from, I tried to climb the walls of feathers surrounding me. The angel then set
me back on the pavement telling me to be careful because the car was really close. The
angel spoke of God by names I didn’t recognize, speaking softness to my heart. Then
saying God has a lot for me to do here, very important things, it’s not time for me to
leave yet. The angel left as I heard the strong wings ascending. The car’s left headlight
was within inches of my left knee. I heard my heels clacking around on the pavement,
bringing me back to the reality that surrounded me. The driver was confused because
there were no skid marks, he “just stopped.” He had a lot of questions for me that I
could not answer. He then said we should get off the road because it was dangerous.
After he gave me a shirt, he brought me home. At one point, while wrestling through these memories I wondered if someday I’d become who God says I am. Or if I’m really forgiven. Set Free ministries helped me with this, and I no longer struggle with this truth.
A few verses that helped my journey are:
Romans 8:18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the
glory that will be revealed in us.
Romans 8:36-37 As it is written: “For our sake we face death all day long; we are
considered as sheep to be slaughtered,” No, in all these things we are more than
conquerors through him who loved us.
While preparing to write this I came across. Jeremiah 18:2-4 “Go down to the potter’s
house, and there I will give you my message.” So I went down to the potter’s house, and
saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in
his hands’ so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.
Nahum 1:2 The Lord is a jealous and avenging God; the Lord takes vengeance and is
filled with wrath. The Lord takes vengeance on his foes and vents his wrath against his
enemies.
Galatians 5:13- You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use
your freedom to indulge the flesh’ rather, serve one another humbly in love.
Each of these have deep meaning to me and are yet another piece that has helped my
process of healing and changing into a new creation! When I find more times of trouble
from my past, current brokenness or wrong motives, my Savior is always ready to tell
me I am forgiven. He does have good plans for me and when each item of my life is
submitted to Him, it gets reborn into something that is only possible because of the work
that Jesus Christ did on the cross so long ago. I’m so thankful for Him and the work that
He will always be doing in me as I learn hard things in this world!
~Kari’s Story~
My Hem Touching Moment was a little over a year ago when my whole entire life began to fall apart. My fiancé Aaron and I had moved into our new home on February 1, 2024. We celebrated one
year of being together on August 1, and then on August 20 we found out that he had
stage 4 lung cancer. The next few months were such a blur as he eventually was placed
on hospice care on September 11, and then passed away in our home on October 4,
which was also my son’s 3 rd birthday.
Aaron had been not feeling well since July, so with him being out of work for so long, I
knew that I was not able to keep the home, and that I would need to rehome all of our
pets. I began looking for apartments and was hopeful about one that was in my budget.
I was very open with the landlord about my situation and why my credit was bad, he
said he would work with me but chose to change his mind at the last minute.
I then contacted Love INC, I knew that they had helped a friend of mine 20 years ago
with transitional housing. This in itself is a God moment to me because who knew all
those years ago that Love Inc would be such a big part of my life and spiritual growth (of
course God knew). My first mentor Karen, who is here tonight, will be able to confirm
that it probably took about 2-3 month for me to be able to speak without breaking down.
I was set to begin the life skills program on January 2 of this year and that is the day
that I found out the company I worked for had restructured and I no longer had a job
after working at the same company for 13 years.
I am sure you can imagine that I was truly feeling like Job, I had lost my fiancé, my
home, our pets, and my job all within a span of a few months. I had so many thoughts
and emotions. I was angry. I was sad. I was anxious and worried for my future as a now
widow, and unemployed single mom-on the verge of being homeless. I questioned God,
why would He even allow Aaron and I to get together and purchase a home just for it to
be taken away so soon? Was it punishment? And I am guessing some of you may have
begun to compare yourself to other people who may not be as nice as you are or as
generous as you are and thought that it was no fair these people were living happy and
blessed lives while you are in the middle of such loss and suffering. I even at one point
wondered if God loved Aaron more than me because Aaron was in heaven and I was
the one down here left broken and trying to pick up the pieces.
I am here to tell you though, that through it all God showed Himself. And even though I
was upset I would pray and cry out to Him, some of my prayers were just sobs. I spent a lot of time in worship which I had never really done outside of church, I would sit in the
woods and put on youtube and the perfect song that I had never heard would come on,
I would tell God that I couldn’t feel Him, and ask Him to give me a sign. Sometimes the
wind would pick up, a butterfly would land near by or a ray of sun would suddenly shine
on my face, and those were moments that I would grasp on to and be thankful for that
He was indeed listening.
I prayed. I trusted. I hoped that even though the days and minutes even seemed so
heavy and dark and lonely that God would show me HIS faithfulness. HE had done it in
the past so I knew He was able. I remembered all of the lessons and illustrations that I
had heard about being refined by fire, and that even gold has to be purified. I felt peace
even through the heaviness that God was purifying and refining me.
Every step of the way, HE did provide. He put people, and resources in my path so that
my son and I would be taken care of.
2 Corinthians 1:8–9
8 For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself.
9 Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us not rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.
Jeremiah 30:17 “For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord…”
..:
Zechariah 13:9
English Standard Version
9 And I will put this third into the fire,
and refine them as one refines silver,
and test them as gold is tested.
They will call upon my name,
and I will answer them.
I will say, ‘They are my people’;
and they will say, ‘The Lord is my God.’”
Christmas tea-Maria
One of the hardest things I ever had to do was forgive someone who would never say sorry.
Maybe you’re sitting here tonight and you’re thinking this seems a little heavy for a Christmas
tea but what you need to know is that these stories have everything to do with Christmas it is
because of the birth of our savior and what he means to us that we are here today, sharing our
testimonies with you so while this season is about a little boy who was born to save the world
listen to this story about a little girl. She grew up in a home that was full of arguing that was full
of resentment. There was some infidelity there was alcohol, drugs, and what felt like chaos all
the time, it felt like walking on eggshells almost every moment of every day. this little girl then
went through watching her parents divorce when she was in fourth grade. It was ugly and full of
anger, resentment, and emotional abuse. she started to become more responsible for her little
sister, going home alone because mom needed to work and provide for us, and really things a
young girl should not have to deal with. So soon childhood was no longer childhood. This little
girl grew up to be a teenager who started dating people who were not worthy of her who were
not good for her and very much resembled her dad. I thought I could save people because I could
never save my dad from the destruction of his life. and then this little girl got married, had
children and vowed to never allow her own children to ever feel like that little girl. There were
many moments I pleaded for Gods help, but I never fully gave him the power to do the work.
Then one night while visiting my dad it all changed. The boys were very little and my dad was so
excited for us to visit. He even went out and bought them race car beds to sleep in while at his
house. This is it I thought, my dad is going to be to my boys what I always desired him to be
with me. As the days of our visit went on it was clear my dad was very uncomfortable around us.
We prayed with the boys, did devotions with them and they loved Jesus in front of him. One day
my dad just sat on the porch drinking and I remember asking him what was going on why aren’t
you spending time with us, his response was, “Maria, this is not how I raised you.” My mind
went to well that’s because you didn’t raise me, but I kept that to myself. I said to him, this is
important to us and this is how we are raising the boys, I am sorry you feel that way. The day
went on and he left to return hours later from the bar with a woman. I remember waking up as I
heard them stumble into the house, they were loud and they were drunk. What is happening!
What am I going to do! God I swore I would never let my boys feel a bit of what I felt growing
up. Do I wake Steve up, pack up and leave? Can the boys hear this, lord do not wake them up. I
tossed and turned pleading with God, what do I do? And then after what seemed like forever
pleading with God, here it was the moment I reached for His hem, peace came over me and the
answer was, it’s me Maria reach out to me and I will give you power and strength, and with it
you are going to forgive him. I don’t even remember when I wrote the letter, or what all it said,
but I wrote it and the words came out easily. I left the letter on his pillow as we left knowing he
may never read it, if he does he may never say a thing about it and most certainly he may never
say he is sorry. When we got home I let him know we made it back, and he let me know he read
the letter and that was it. No I’m sorry you feel this way, I’m sorry I didn’t call or see you for
months, I’m sorry for not loving you the way you deserved. And It was at this time I let God take
control of this relationship and heal it in his power, I finally gave up trying to fight it in my own
power and from that day on our relationship never looked the same. It was no longer filled with
the what ifs and expectations of what I wanted and was filled with the love of Christ. This
prepared me for the phone call I would receive years later that my dad was sick and dying.
Because of Gods power and forgiveness I could love my dad how Christ called me to love him
and the day he took his final breath, I was just a girl who missed her daddy. No conditions, no
expectations, just a girl who was loved beyond measure.
The verses God called me to years and years ago are
Psalm 139:13-16
Behind my heart for Hem Touching Moments-Alison
The teen ministry at my church on Sunday nights is where I could be found serving since about 2020. During the winter of 24-25 I began having headaches weekly. Since the headache only happened at this event, there was no doubt about this having a spiritual meaning. They would get worse each week, Tylenol and Ibuprofen weren’t helping. My head was light and sound sensitive not able to follow conversation, slightly dizzy. My home was 30 minutes from church, so running home to rest and coming back to pick up my teens wasn’t the best option. While praying about headaches and feeling this was something spiritual I remembered a time when a friend had headaches while doing street ministry and it was drawing her attention to something very specific. Continuing to pray for direction, a memory came to mind from when I was 17. This was something very significant, beautiful, scary, and a calling to something better than what I was allowing in my life. My practice when past memories had come up was to repent, forgive or seek peace from Scripture if there was something unsettling. None of these categories fit properly. So I asked God, “what do you want me to do?” The only way to describe the response was that when saying the word “do”, it moved. It was felt in my body. From there, the only thing logically to “do” with this is to tell the story. Next, a feeling that this needs to be told at some point in a large group not just a few friends. Right after prayerfully speaking a promise to follow through, the headache was gone! No sensitivity to light or sound not dizzy, the Lord just healed it. This idea for speaking was at the forefront of my mind a few months then it faded, trusting God to bring the opportunity when it was time.
A few months later I started volunteering at love in the name of Christ as a mentor at their life skills class. This was a class that I had taken as a newly single Mom and had been invited back to help out. Someone there reminded me of a friend that had past away recently. The more we talked, the more my heart could rest knowing this certainly wasn’t my old friend Sarah but my new friend Kari. At this weekly event there was also someone named Spring that I kept feeling a need to talk to but had no idea what we were supposed to talk about.
In September of 2025 while talking to Char Moore, she invited me to dinner with these two ladies and Trini. Leading up to this dinner, Kari and Spring had been praying over an idea for a survey asking other women if they had had a Hem Touching Moment. They contacted Carolyn Schrotenboer and explained the idea to her. Carolyn took time for prayer, and came back with the decision to present this idea at our church’s Christmas Tea. At dinner with Char, Kari, Trini, Spring, and myself, Spring shared a short version of her story with me and asked me if I had one to share. Since my past is so colorful my response was, “sure there, is but I’m not sure which one to share right now.” Char wisely said to pray about it and let her know and I agreed. This idea of a Hem Touching Moment was so new, the more my thoughts rested on it the more beautiful and full of meaning it became. About a week into praying for the right story to tell at the Christmas tea, I was thinking to find a story that is different than Kari and Maria’s. That thought felt unsettled, I believed God can bring the right story to mind. While allowing my mind to focus on God’s character and provision in past circumstances I remembered the headaches from the previous winter and conversation in prayer. God did it! This was the speaking opportunity set up by the King of Kings.
Hem Touching Moments 